Reflection Summary
Dr. Betsy Blackard
A child stepping back from a challenge may be building the confidence needed to take it on, rather than simply giving up.
Dr. Blackard’s “running leap” framework suggests that a child may seek smaller, more manageable experiences when a challenge feels too big to tackle directly.
Dr. Blackard warns that pushing a child toward a challenge before they’re ready can produce resentment or undermine confidence rather than build it.
Rather than assuming a child has no motivation, Dr. Blackard encourages adults to look for the goal or desire that may still be pulling the child forward.
Dr. Blackard suggests that simply describing what a child did to work up to something can help them recognize and trust their own process next time.
In some situations, the most helpful response may be to stay curious and give a child room rather than immediately pushing or persuading.
Dr. Blackard opens with a simple demonstration: a volunteer crossing a widening imaginary stream instinctively backs up further each time before taking a running leap across. Her central suggestion is that children may approach challenges in a similar way. Dr. Blackard invites us to consider whether what looks like avoidance might sometimes be something different: a child quietly backing up, seeking smaller wins to build the confidence needed for a bigger leap later.
She illustrates this with a child at a pool who freezes at the top of a big water slide, then walks away, seemingly having given up. Rather than the big slide, the girl heads to a much smaller baby slide nearby, going down it repeatedly and in different ways, even while her mother tries to coax her back toward the big slide directly. Dr. Blackard interprets this not as abandoning the challenge, but as mastering a smaller version first, on her own timeline, with the girl stealing glances at the big slide the whole time. Eventually, without any further persuading, she takes it on herself.
A second example involves a child struggling through math homework who repeatedly leaps out of her seat and ducks under the table between problems. Rather than reading this as defiance or avoidance, Dr. Blackard treats it as the child’s own confidence-building strategy in miniature, and works with it, letting the child take a short break after each problem instead of forcing continuous focus. When one brief “pop” isn’t enough, Dr. Blackard gives her more room, and together they develop a routine of frog-leaping around the table between problems. Dr. Blackard reports that homework resistance decreased significantly afterward.
Dr. Blackard’s larger argument is that pushing a child to leap before they feel ready can backfire, producing resentment or lower confidence rather than genuine progress, which in turn can make the next challenge feel even bigger. She suggests that trusting a child’s own process, and simply naming what they did to work up to something afterward, can help build lasting self-trust instead. Dr. Blackard closes with her own example, a winding, seemingly unmotivated path after college that eventually led her, on her own timeline, toward a PhD in child development. For Dr. Blackard, her own experience became another example of the running leap: what looked like stepping away eventually became part of the path toward something she deeply wanted.
Next time your child seems to avoid a challenge, look for a smaller version of it they might be quietly working toward first.
When your child hesitates at something hard, try waiting a bit before jumping in to encourage or push them toward it.
If your child seems distracted or off-task during something challenging, consider whether they’re managing their own confidence, and adjust with them rather than against them.
After your child gets through something difficult, describe the specific steps they took to prepare, not just that they succeeded.
There are no right or wrong answers here, just space to think about your own family.
Can you think of a time your child seemed to avoid something, but was actually working up to it in their own way?
Where do you tend to push or persuade when your child hesitates, and what might happen if you waited instead?
How comfortable are you with your child’s own pace looking different, or slower, than what you’d choose?
Next time your child overcomes something hard, how could you name their own strategy back to them?
Every family is different. If you’ve tried something that made a difference in your family, we’d love to hear about it.
More reflections that may help you think about this from another angle.
