Reflection Summary
Featuring Ustadha Hina Khan-Mukhtar & Ustadha Hosai Mojaddidi
CelebrateMercy · Raising Beautiful Hearts Prophetic Parenting series · Episode 5
Ustadha Hosai points to children’s still-developing executive function as one reason parents may need to set device limits rather than expecting children to regulate unrestricted access on their own.
Ustadha Hosai suggests looking at how a child handles limits in other areas—such as bedtime or food—before expanding their device access.
Ustadha Hina describes keeping internet-enabled devices out of children’s bedrooms—including overnight charging—as one of her most important digital-parenting practices.
One of Ustadha Hina’s sons later told another father that keeping phones and laptops out of bedrooms was the best thing his parents had done for him.
Ustadha Hina frames protective limits not as “because I said so,” but as an expression of “because I love you.”
Remove the browser and app store, and consider filtering or monitoring apps.
Many parents wonder whether it’s better to give children full access to devices early and teach them along the way, since they’ll have it all in a few years anyway. This short episode answers that question clearly and practically.
Ustadha Hosai begins with child development. She points to the still-developing prefrontal cortex and executive function as reasons children and adolescents may have difficulty exercising restraint around highly stimulating devices. In her view, giving children unrestricted access before they demonstrate an ability to regulate themselves can invite problems. There is wisdom in controlling their use until they show self-control in other areas of life: going to bed on time, knowing when to stop eating certain foods. If those signs aren’t there yet, unlimited access invites problems. She has seen many parents who, wanting to be nice or to be their child’s friend, or because everyone else was doing it, gave in, and later regretted the harm it opened up. Children need boundaries, and setting them is our job. Ustadha Hina adds that in the early years, we model healthy choices by choosing for them, so those habits become their normal.
Ustadha Hina then shares what she considers perhaps the most important takeaway from any talk on digital media: do not let children have private access to internet-enabled devices in their bedrooms. Many parents are careful and protective in every other way, yet don’t realize how much can enter their children’s bedrooms, right under their own roof, through a screen.
She tells a moving story. A young father in the community once approached one of her sons at the masjid while he was in high school and asked him for one piece of parenting advice. Her son protested that he was just a kid, but the father pressed: what was one thing your parents did that really helped you and your brothers? Her son answered: “The best thing our parents ever did for us was not allowing us to take our laptops and phones into our bedrooms at night. We weren’t even allowed to charge our phones in our rooms.” He added that he had seen what happened to other young men who had full access. Her son never told her this himself; she only heard it from that father. Children often won’t share these things with us, she says, so we have to trust our authority. Like the parent who answers “Why?” with “Because I love you,” these limits come from love.
Ustadha Hosai closes with practical tools. Beyond turning on parental controls, parents can remove the web browser, the open door to everything, and remove the app store, turning a smartphone into a simple “dumb phone.” Ustadha Hosai also mentions monitoring tools such as Covenant Eyes, describing them as one way parents can become aware of potentially harmful material and open conversations when concerns arise. Both guests have seen how painful it can be when children are exposed to things they are not ready for. The CelebrateMercy host then broadens the discussion to filtering tools for movies and television, noting that a family’s standards may differ from official ratings and encouraging parents to seek out tools that fit their own household.
Consider choosing a shared spot outside the bedrooms where devices charge overnight. Parents may choose to use the same spot as a way of modeling the household routine.
On your child’s device, consider removing the web browser and app store until they are ready.
Use your device’s built-in parental controls, and look into filtering or monitoring tools that fit your family.
Following Ustadha Hosai’s guidance, look for self-control elsewhere—such as keeping bedtimes or stopping when asked—before expanding access.
Tell your child that the rules come from care, and explain in age-appropriate terms why your family has chosen to place limits around device access.
There are no right or wrong answers here, just space to think about your own family.
Where do the devices in our home spend the night?
Am I giving my child device access because they are ready, or because everyone else is doing it?
What signs of self-control does my child show in other areas of life?
Do I know what apps, browsers, and content my child can reach on their device right now?
How do I respond when my child pushes back on device limits? Do I explain that it comes from love?
Every family is different. If you’ve tried something that made a difference in your family, we’d love to hear about it.
More reflections that may help you think about this from another angle.
