Know Who They’re Playing With
Many popular games are multiplayer, which means your child may be playing alongside friends, classmates, friends of friends, or complete strangers. That can be a wonderful part of gaming, since many children build real friendships and teamwork skills online, but it helps to know who your child is actually talking to and playing with.
What feels right will depend on your child’s age and readiness. You do not have to leave multiplayer play and communication open by default: many games and platforms let parents limit who can play with, message or send friend requests to a child, or turn certain multiplayer features off. Younger children often do best playing only with people you have approved, while older children may earn more freedom as they show good judgment. Rather than one universal rule, aim for an arrangement you can explain to your child and revisit as they grow.
You may have more control than you realize.
Before telling a younger child how to handle strangers in a game, check whether you can limit the contact in the first place. Depending on the platform and game, parents may be able to restrict voice chat, text messages, friend requests, multiplayer communication or who can interact with the child. Start with the protections your child needs now, then gradually loosen them as your child develops the judgment to handle more independence.
Whatever you decide, keep the conversation going. Children who feel they can tell you about an uncomfortable moment without losing their games are far more likely to do so.
“Who do you usually play with, and can anyone else talk to you or send you friend requests?”
Review Chat and Voice Chat
Games communicate in different ways, and the risks and benefits differ too.
- Text chat may be public, team-based or limited to friends, depending on the game and its settings. Check who can communicate with your child and what filtering options are available.
- Private messages are one-to-one or small-group conversations, which can be harder for a parent to see.
- Voice chat is immediate and unfiltered, and can expose children to language or tone you would not choose for them.
Start with the level of protection that fits your child’s age and readiness. Many parents allow chat with approved friends only, keep voice chat for people the child knows offline, or start with all chat off and add features as trust grows. You do not need to switch everything off in every family, but you also do not have to leave communication open to strangers just because a game offers it. Choose the setup that fits your child, and check back on it from time to time.
For a deeper look at who your child plays with and talks to, including friend requests, voice chat and how independence can grow with readiness, see Online Gaming, Voice Chat, and Who Your Child Plays With.
Use Built-In Safety Features
Most consoles, apps and games now include parental controls and safety settings. Because platforms update their menus and options often, check each platform’s own current help pages rather than relying on a screenshot or an old guide. The areas worth looking at are:
- Privacy settings, which control who can find, message or invite your child.
- Child accounts or profiles, which often unlock age-appropriate defaults.
- Friend requests, which can usually be limited or set to require approval.
- Multiplayer and communication settings, which can often limit who your child can play with and talk to.
- Purchasing restrictions, which help prevent surprise charges and in-game spending.
- Content restrictions, which can filter games and features by age rating.
- Reporting and blocking, which your child should know how to use, and know they will not be in trouble for using.
Sit down with your child this week and look through the settings of one game together. Let them show you how they play, and decide on one change you both agree on.
Choose Games With Your Child
A game being popular is not, on its own, a good reason to say yes. Popularity tells you what other children are playing, not whether a game suits your child’s age or your family’s values.
Age ratings and independent review sites can help you understand a game’s content, its chat features and any in-game purchases. Look at what the game actually contains, and whether players can talk to strangers.
When you can, watch your child play or play together for a little while. You will learn far more in twenty minutes of shared play than from any rating, and it shows your child you are interested in their world.
Set Healthy Gaming Boundaries
Gaming is one part of a full life. Healthy boundaries help it sit comfortably alongside:
- Sleep
- School responsibilities
- Physical activity
- Friendships and time offline
- Family time
Rather than relying on one screen-time number for every child, many families find a shared family gaming agreement works better. Talk together about when and where games are played, what happens at bedtime and on school nights, and what to do when a session needs to end. Children are more likely to keep agreements they helped create.