Choosing Video Games That Are Right for Your Child

Start With the Rating, Then Keep Going

The ESRB rating is a useful first stop. In the United States and Canada, you’ll commonly see these categories:

• E: Everyone
• E10+: Everyone 10+
• T: Teen
• M: Mature 17+

The category gives you a quick indication of the game’s suggested age appropriateness. But the letter on the front is only the beginning of the information available to you.

Look at Why the Game Received Its Rating

ESRB ratings can also include Content Descriptors, which tell parents more about the content behind the rating. Depending on the game, you might see descriptors related to:

• Violence
• Language
• Sexual content
• Suggestive themes
• Alcohol, tobacco or drugs
• Gambling-related content

This matters because families, and children, don’t all have the same concerns. Two games with the same age rating can contain very different material. One parent may be particularly concerned about strong language. Another may be comfortable with fantasy combat but not realistic violence. Another child may be especially frightened by horror.

So instead of asking only, “Is a Teen game okay for my 12-year-old?” ask, “Why is this particular game rated Teen, and how do I feel about those reasons for this particular child?” That’s a much better decision.

Check the Interactive Elements Too

Here’s something parents can easily miss. A game’s rating information isn’t only about what appears in the story or gameplay. ESRB also provides Interactive Elements that tell you about certain features surrounding the experience. You may see notices such as:

• Users Interact: players may interact or exchange user-generated content.
• In-Game Purchases: the game contains offers to purchase digital goods or services.
• In-Game Purchases (Includes Random Items): some purchases contain an element of chance, meaning players may not know exactly what they’ll receive beforehand.
• Shares Location: the game may allow a user’s location to be displayed to other users.
• Unrestricted Internet: the product provides access to the internet without restriction.

These notices don’t determine the game’s age rating. But for a parent, they may significantly affect whether, and how, you allow your child to play.

Separate Content From Access

Imagine you’ve reviewed the game’s violence, language and other content and you’re comfortable with it. You’re not finished yet. Ask, who can my child interact with? A game might have relatively mild content while allowing communication with other players. That’s a separate parenting decision.

For younger children especially, consider whether you can:

• Limit communication to approved friends
• Disable or restrict voice chat
• Disable or restrict text messaging
• Control friend requests
• Restrict multiplayer features
• Use a child account with stronger privacy settings

Don’t assume that approving a game means approving every feature inside it. You might decide, “Yes, you can play the game, but we’re keeping open voice chat off.” That’s a perfectly reasonable distinction.

Playing With Someone Isn’t the Same as Talking With Them

Some multiplayer games match your child with unknown players. That doesn’t necessarily mean those players need direct communication access to your child. Depending on the game and platform, you may be able to allow multiplayer gameplay while restricting voice or text communication. That gives parents more options than “No online gaming” or “If you play online, you have to talk to strangers.”

You can decide separately who your child can play with and who can communicate with your child. For younger children, you may decide that communication is limited to family and friends they actually know. As children demonstrate greater judgment, you can reconsider those boundaries.

Check Your Parental Controls Before Saying No

Sometimes a game that initially concerns you may have settings that change the experience substantially. Major gaming platforms provide parental controls that can help parents manage things such as:

• Games and apps based on age ratings
• Play time
• Online communication
• Multiplayer access
• Purchases
• Internet access

Individual games may provide additional controls. So before deciding, “This game isn’t appropriate because it has voice chat,” find out whether you can turn voice chat off. Before worrying that your child could spend money inside the game, ask whether you can require approval for purchases. Before assuming anyone can contact your child, ask whether communication can be restricted to approved friends.

Look at In-Game Spending Before Downloading

“Free” doesn’t necessarily mean there will be no requests for money. Before approving a game, check whether it contains:

• Virtual currency
• Cosmetic items
• Battle or season passes
• Subscriptions
• Upgrades
• Randomized purchases
• Other paid content

None of these automatically makes a game inappropriate. But you should know they’re there before your child begins asking, “Can I just buy one thing?” For younger children, use purchase restrictions or parental approval where appropriate. For older children, gaming can become an opportunity to practice budgeting and recognizing spending pressure.

Pay Special Attention to Randomized Purchases

If you see “In-Game Purchases (Includes Random Items),” understand what that means. Your child may be able to spend real money, or virtual currency purchased with real money, without knowing exactly what item they’ll receive. That’s different from “This skin costs $5.” The child is purchasing a chance of receiving something.

Whether your family allows that is your decision. The important thing is knowing the mechanic exists before your child encounters it.

Look Beyond the Store Description

The company selling a game understandably wants to show it in an appealing way. You can look further. Search for:

• Gameplay videos
• Detailed reviews
• Parent reviews
• Rating summaries
• Explanations of multiplayer features
• Information about purchases
• Information about parental controls

Watching even ten minutes of actual gameplay can sometimes tell you much more than reading a promotional description. Ask yourself, “Would I be comfortable with my child spending time in this environment?”

Ask Your Child to Show You

Older children can participate in the decision. Instead of immediately saying, “I’ve never heard of that game. No,” try “Show me what it is.” Then ask:

That last question can be surprisingly useful. A child who can explain both what’s appealing about a game and what a parent might reasonably want to check is already practicing judgment.

Consider the Child, Not Just the Birthday

Two children of the same age may respond very differently to the same game. One child laughs at something another finds frightening. One easily stops playing while another struggles with transitions. One shrugs off competitive trash talk while another becomes deeply upset. One understands that virtual purchases are real money while another finds the system difficult to manage.

Consider your child’s:

• Emotional maturity
• Sensitivity to frightening material
• Ability to handle competition
• Ability to stop playing
• Judgment about privacy
• Ability to manage online interactions
• Spending judgment
• Response to social pressure

Age matters. Readiness matters too.

Don’t Let “Everyone Else Plays It” Make the Decision

Sometimes your child really will be the only one among their friends who isn’t allowed to play a particular game. That’s difficult. Don’t dismiss it with “I don’t care what your friends do.” Your child’s social concern may be genuine, and gaming can be part of how friends spend time together. Acknowledge it: “I understand that you’re worried about missing out when your friends are playing.”

Then explain the actual concern. Maybe it’s the content. Maybe it’s unrestricted communication. Maybe it’s spending. Maybe your child simply isn’t ready yet. And sometimes understanding the game’s settings may reveal a compromise. Perhaps the game itself is acceptable with voice chat restricted. Perhaps your child can play privately with known friends. Perhaps you’ll reconsider at a certain age.

The answer doesn’t have to be “Everyone else has it, so yes,” or “I said no, and that’s the end of the conversation.” You can understand the social cost and still make the decision you believe is appropriate.

Make “Not Yet” Different From “Never”

Don’t make a no permanent unless it needs to be. Sometimes the answer is “Not yet,” and that’s different from “Never.” You might say:

• “I’m not comfortable with this game right now. Let’s look at it again when you’re 13.”
• “I’m concerned about the open communication. If we can find settings that restrict it appropriately, I’ll reconsider.”
• “You haven’t been managing your current games responsibly enough for me to add this one yet.”

Giving children a path toward reconsideration can make a boundary feel more connected to readiness than parental power.

Try the Game Together

If you’re uncertain, consider playing or watching the game together before making a final decision. Let your child teach you, and see what happens during an ordinary session. Notice:

• What the game rewards
• How intense the content feels
• How players communicate
• How purchases are presented
• Whether advertisements appear
• How easy it is to stop
• What happens after a match
• What keeps encouraging another round

You may decide, “This is much more harmless than I expected.” Or, “I’m glad I looked at this first.” Either outcome is useful.

Create a Family Game Check

Before downloading or buying a new game, ask five questions:

1. What’s in it? Check the age rating and content descriptors.
2. Who’s in it? Can other players interact with your child? Can communication be limited?
3. What can it sell? Are there in-game purchases, virtual currency or randomized items?
4. What can we control? Check the platform and game’s parental controls.
5. Is my child ready? Consider maturity, judgment, sensitivities and how they’ve handled previous gaming responsibilities.

You can make this a normal family routine. Not an interrogation. Not a battle. Just: “New game? Let’s check it.”

Let the Rules Grow With the Child

A nine-year-old and a sixteen-year-old shouldn’t necessarily have identical gaming rules. Younger children may need:

• More restricted content
• Approved friends only
• Limited or disabled communication
• Purchases blocked
• More parent involvement

As children grow and demonstrate good judgment, parents can gradually hand over more responsibility. That doesn’t mean “You’re older now, so everything is allowed.” It means “You’ve shown me you can handle more, so I’m giving you more.” That’s an important difference.

Remember What You’re Really Deciding

Choosing a video game isn’t simply deciding whether the pictures on the screen are appropriate. You’re deciding whether your child is ready for an experience. That experience might include stories, competition, violence, creativity, friendships, strangers, purchases, pressure, teamwork, failure, achievement and communication.

That’s why no single rating, review or parental-control setting can make the entire decision for you.

Use the information available. Know your child. Put guardrails around what they aren’t ready to manage yet. Then give them increasing responsibility as they show they’re ready for it.