Reflection Summary
Sheikha Fatima Barkatulla
In conversation with Towards Eternity
Sheikha Fatima describes building a child’s love of and connection to Allah in the early years, through stories and time in nature, with the habits of worship growing out of that connection.
She describes inviting children casually to pray with the family around age seven, building up step by step, and becoming more serious around ten, with parents praying alongside them. She stresses that this is gradual, not an overnight fix.
Sheikha Fatima says that boundaries are part of caring and describes wanting children to understand the reasons behind rules, with a few, like seatbelts, being non-negotiable because parents know what children do not yet.
She describes stories of the prophets, the companions, and the Sirah as a blueprint and role models for children. She also describes asking her teenage children to write about their skills, passions, and where they see themselves in five years.
Sheikha Fatima suggests delaying phones, planning real-world outings, and helping children build good friendships from an early age, saying that peers can influence children more than parents at a certain age.
She highlights the prophets’ duas for their children, encourages parents to pray for theirs, and suggests writing a shared vision for the family.
In this video, Sheikha Fatima answers a series of questions from the Towards Eternity host about raising children in a Muslim home, from prayer habits to phones. One thread runs through many of her answers: begin with the child’s relationship with Allah. In the early years, she says, parents connect children to Allah through stories, such as the story of how salah was revealed, and through time in nature, because that connection is what motivates a child to pray, and children learn more from stories than from lectures. Rather than handing a young child a list of beliefs, she says, parents can nurture what she describes as the fitra, an innate disposition toward Allah, and keep a balance of love, hope, and awe, mentioning that Allah punishes while keeping the child’s personal connection rooted in love and glad tidings.
On prayer, Sheikha Fatima’s advice is gradual. She cites a saying attributed to Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, describing childhood as stages of play, instruction, and companionship, and says that up to around seven, children learn through play and love. From around seven, she suggests casually inviting children to pray with the family, starting with one prayer a day and perhaps offering small rewards, then making the expectation clearer around ten, citing a hadith about taking prayer more seriously at that age. She emphasizes that parents pray too, make it easy, and teach the elements of prayer, and that Islam does not talk about fixing things overnight. She expects that prayer will most likely be part of a child’s life by puberty, and describes salah, in line with the Quran, as protection from wrongdoing.
Sheikha Fatima also takes up the balance between rules and love. Saying no is important, she says, and rules like brushing teeth or wearing a seatbelt are things parents require because they know what children do not yet. The aim, she stresses, is not simply a pile of rules but nurturing children so they understand why, alongside love and fun. On guiding daughters toward the hijab, she likewise emphasizes the why: introducing it positively and easily from around seven, the example of mothers and older girls, and explaining the wisdom behind it as she understands it, rather than only handing down rules.
Beyond the home, Sheikha Fatima talks about surroundings. She suggests delaying phones as long as possible and making time away from screens, in nature or on planned outings close to home, and describes sitting down with one of her children to plan a holiday in their own city. At a certain age, she says, friends can influence children more than parents, so she encourages helping children build good friendships early, by inviting families over or joining clubs. She points to the prophets’ duas for their children and future generations, and to a dua asking for children who bring comfort and joy, which she explains, citing the scholars’ tafseer, as the happiness of seeing one’s family worship. She closes by encouraging parents to write a vision or mission statement for the family together and to see family as their finest project.
Try telling a story of a prophet or companion, or the story of how salah was revealed, as Sheikha Fatima suggests, and notice what your child asks about it.
Try a casual invitation to pray with you, starting small, in the spirit of the gradual approach she describes.
Choose one family rule and give a brief reason for it in words your child can follow.
Following a prompt Sheikha Fatima describes using with her teenage children, you might invite an older child to write about their skills, passions, and where they see themselves in five years, then listen.
With your child, pick a few places or activities close to home and put them in a calendar to do together, as Sheikha Fatima describes doing.
There are no right or wrong answers here, just space to think about your own family.
When I think about my child’s relationship with Allah, what experiences or stories do I hope they carry with them?
How do I currently explain the reasons behind the rules in our home, and where might a clearer why help?
Who does my child spend time with, and what do I notice about how those friendships shape them?
If I sat down to write a vision for our family, what would I want it to say?
Every family is different. If you’ve tried something that made a difference in your family, we’d love to hear about it.
More reflections that may help you think about this from another angle.
